Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
