I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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