If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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