It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
dude. I can hear the air.
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