My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
