Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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