I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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