p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
