apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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