I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
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Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
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I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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