So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
