but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
