So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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