dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
