Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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