Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Will you blow on my dice?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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