I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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