I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
