I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
