And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
