once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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