i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
