i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
