The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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