I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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