I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
