I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
