I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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