if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
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Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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