shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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