i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
