he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
