I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I AM VODKA MAN
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
