Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
