Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
