went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
