I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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