woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
