I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
