Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
