Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
