I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
