God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
