Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
