Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
