Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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