Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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