Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
