I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
