so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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