Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
