Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
