Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
