Michael Bay diarrhea
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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