my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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