You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
my liver is dry heaving
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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