I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place