I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.